"Years flew away and I had finished school, my mother found tranquillity at the bottom of an empty bottle."
Got time? Read my short novel Bitter Sweet.
The police sirens were blazing a high pitched frequency bursting the ear drums of local pedestrians .The wind was chilling and the ground had been pierced by the bitter atmosphere. There was panic written in the air and I could sense the icy rush of people franticly trying to save me. Although I was showered by concerned people, ambulances and doctors; I felt so alone. The mumbled and distant screaming seemed to soothe me because I could feel my tiresome eyes closing. The hands of outsiders were wrapped around my body, tugging at me. I felt my body abruptly shaking and there was a sudden silence that broke out from the doctors, were they giving up? The cold begun to numb my body, even the desperation in my eyes was not enough to alert the paramedics that there was nothing anyone could do. I had come to terms with my imminent death.I was to await my fate in a dark and dreary alleyway, not sure where I was or who I had become. I had not recognised the girl in my reflection for some time. So broken and neglected, aching eyes, short bursts of despair whenever I breathed in and an agonizing pain across my chest as a consequence of solitary suffering. Deep emotional wounds cut across my eyes from withdrawing hours of tears that wanted to be exposed. When did I develop lines under my eyes and from what point of my life did I begin looking like this?
My thoughts were blurred and but I was conscience enough to understand that this was no accident. My hand rested on the deep wound made to my stomach. The blood was rushing to the surface, spilling out between my pale fingers. Laying in a deep shade of ruby red I started to reflect on life and what had been before I was thrown against a wall and stripped of an existence.
My childhood was as empty as my soul. Never had I experienced a simpler time where I could engage in a civil conversation with both of my parents present at the same time. All my life I felt I had no purpose, no meaning, until I reached the age of nineteen, where I escaped the wreckage that was so loosely labelled home. I claimed independence and built a new life. At such a young age I had endured so much, witnessed abuse and tried to comprehend relationships beyond my capacity, whilst trying to raise two younger siblings. I grew up with no guidance and both of my parents were constantly at each other's throats, so I took it upon myself to help and aid my two brothers, Train and Rogan ages four and twelve. I was extremely close to my siblings; they were my life, my pride and joy. I took them to school every morning, read them bed time stories. Made their dinner and made sure they were safe. At only sixteen, I took over the role of a parent and promised myself that when I was older I would legally adopt them.
One tragic night the situation at home between my parents escalated and the house was distressed. My youngest brother Train found himself entrapped in the blood bath after calling out for his mum. In my mothers despair she picked up a heavy ornament to attack my father with, whom had wrapped his fingers around her wrist, indenting her. Branding her with the same spitefulness as he always did. I remember the day like it happened yesterday. My mother's eyes so full of detest whilst lunging forward and swinging the weighty gnome with a powerful force that even my father was a taken back with. None of us had ever imagined that my little brother would be on the receiving end of my mother's wrath. She had so much love for her little angel. She loved us all, but she struggled to show it. During the funeral I sat beside the open casket staring at my brother's innocent face rubbing my fingers gently over the deep gash across his forehead.
My father never turned up, he claimed it was too painful, that's what my mother constantly told me anyway but I could see my dad in Rogan. I think it was the same anger I saw in his eyes that I saw in my father's, whenever my mother tried to speak to him. It was my brother's death that drove a giant wedge into my family. My parents had finally decided to separate a few days after the funeral, which was good news for everyone. With the divorce taking its toll on my mum I could see she was being worn out and there was nothing I could say or do that would help reduce the guilt or the burden of my brothers death she carried on her fragile shoulders.
Years flew away and I had finished school, my mother found tranquillity at the bottom of an empty bottle, my father had permanently removed himself from the household and my younger brother Rogan had discovered drugs which consequently resulted to prison. I decided not to be engulfed by my brother's death. It only made me stronger, faster and better. I chose to leave the past and say hello to the future. I was a bright child, always at the top of my class, acing all of my subjects so at sixteen, when I went job hunting to allow some extra income into my home, the local careers adviser recommended an apprenticeship for me. Apparently I deserved the right to education, but I was also in no position to sacrifice good money. So I decided to merge both into one. It was the best thing I had ever done, for it opened up so many doors and offered me so many opportunities. Within a few years the Company had offered me an all paid trip overseas to see the world and to meet new people, I learnt that hard work really does pay off and I earned the right to a first class plane ticket.
With my brother in prison and a mother who didn't even acknowledge me I was determined to take up this offer and sooner or later I stumbled upon a five star hotel in Germany, Berlin. I was in awe. Never had I seen such an amazing place, and I was told this was just the beginning. Japan was our next stop.
Once I reached my room on the top floor called the penthouse suite I swiped the sleek card to open up the door leading to my temporary German palace. I flung my bags across the floor and fell flat on to my double quilted king sized guest bed and closed my eyes. This was the beginning to my new life. For the next few years I carried around my laptop everywhere, doing basic admin work whilst grabbing a coffee here or there. At only 19, I was living the life in Germany, I loved my job. On my twentieth birthday, the Company decided to threw a grand party for me. There were over 300 important people from all around the world. The managers and owners of this big co-operation flew in from New York to join the celebrations, just for me. I had made a big impact on the company, I was hard working and they merited that. I felt really appreciated.
Later that evening as I walked through the crowd to the dance floor I spotted a young man's eyes gazing upon me. I could feel him watching. The music was loud and the night was magical so I lost myself in the midnight rhythm. Very quickly the floor began to fill with alien faces and the man I had seen earlier had moved away only to relocate to an empty spot near me. I kept glancing over. His shadowy statues body came closer; I shut my eyes, the adrenaline of the unknowing was a rush for me. I could feel him leaning in towards me, he whispered into my ear 'Sebastian.' His voice, sensual, his smile heavenly, and his eyes pierced right through my heart. I glanced down to where he had held out his firm hand. Embracing his touch I whispered back; 'Mia.' In an instance he was gone.
I spent the entire morning after the party day dreaming about the mysterious man I had met the night before. The name Sebastian echoed around inside my head and heart for some time. I didn't know who he was but I wanted to find him. He was perfect in everyway. I had run out of time to envision me and Sebastian together, I had a board meeting to prepare for. Picking up my Gucci handbag that looked hung over from the previous night, I made my way over to the offices in which I was sure to be grilled for being five minutes late. I found it hard to stay awake during the meeting and my mind kept wondering but my boss was understanding; he was a stand up guy and it was plain to see that everyone at the office was partially still intoxicated by the gallons of drink they consumed last night.
My receptionist was always on top of things, but even I didn't anticipate the message I would receive that afternoon. There was a sense of urgency on her face but the note she held suggested something else. 'Call me, I'll be waiting. 07874938651' I immediately identified that it was Sebastian. The mystery and charm in the note reflected almost too perfectly on his personality. I felt like a young school girl, all excited and giggly as I held the note close to my chest.
It was the night of my big promotion when things at home reached a turning point. Everything was moving at a rapid pace, things were changing and I was caught in the mist of it all. I was awaiting my mother's call from the airport, today was the big day. I was going to see her finally after 10 years. She promised me that she had cleaned up, and prioritised her life over the alcohol and was going to celebrate my big night with me. The party was being hosted at a luxurious and famous hotel. I was dressed in my best frock; a new black number from Coco Chanel with flowing silk fabric meeting my knees. The back was enriched in precious diamonds, catching the light and colours of the well dressed associates and their glamorous wives. As the night went on, I found myself alone as there seemed to be something un-nerving about Sebastian; he was acting in a peculiar manner. Normally I was irresistible to him, he always managed to find some way to try and seduce me, this was apart of his character but not that night. When I finally found him he felt cold and couldn't even look at me. I decided to leave when the night was young to talk to him, to see what was on his mind. At home, once I started to confront him a nasty and vicious side was exposed that I had never seen, and wished never existed. He snapped and barked at me as if I was a complete stranger. The atmosphere became bitter and I believed it may have been my fault. As the love between me and my soul mate started to deteriorate, the sick-ling feeling that I could hardly bear in my stomach came crawling back. I tried reasoning with him, 'Sebastian, what's wrong with you... this isn't the man I fell in love with?' I simply could not understand.
Within a matter of moments it all came rushing out; 'I have been working with the Company for twelve years and they decide to promote YOU to executive chief?! You cry child abuse and you get everything you want, maybe I should tell everyone that my brother died too!' he spat out horrible and painful words.
From then on it was impossible to calm him down. I could only see destruction in his eyes. Uncontrollably my trembling hand met his visage, as I closed my eyes I heard it ricochet of his face. I opened my eyes and saw Sebastian, staring back at me, alarmed. 'Not once have I ever used my troubled past as a way to get to the top. I've only ever worked every bone in my body to become something I could be proud of. That my mum could be proud of and you throw all of that back in my face?! You're a dog.' The insults came out like word vomit, I was passed seeing sense.
Anger took over my body, I couldn't contain myself anymore. There was a big rush of emotions between the both of us. A lot of words were exchanged. I could see Sebastian's body language becoming stiffer as he started walking towards me to a point where I was backed up against a wall. I saw his eyes turn a different colour, the colour of violence. It was painted all over his face. His firm hands wrapped themselves around my neck, clenching and tightening. His muscular build pressing up against my body so I was unable to move, tight and almost paralysed. I became panicked and my heart rate sped up rapidly. Breathing was difficult and painful. In a few minutes, moments before I was about to pass out he stopped. Loosened his fingers and removed his hands from my neck. I said nothing. Tears came streaming down my face. I stumbled and picked up my bag. I then left.
Running out of the three storey building, heart broken and inconsolable I couldn't grasp my surroundings. Everything became blurry with the large amounts of tears blocking my vision. I scurried down the streets of Berlin in haste, just to get away. I reminisced the times I shared with Sebastian, the love of my life, and I still loved him but I could only see my father in him now. The Sebastian I knew had disappeared and turned into something vile. I then began to second guess myself, perhaps this was my influence, were all men like this or just the one's I associated with?
I had nowhere to stay but I couldn't see myself roaming around the streets all night, out in the freezing cold. So I quickly rushed down an alleyway which I believed to be the quickest way to the Hotel Berlin just across the street. As I staggered down the passage I could hear faint footsteps from behind me. I paused and my body tensed up. I turned around to examine my surroundings. I couldn't see anything in the hour of darkness I could only feel a cold blade against my neck. I was then thrusted against the brick wall, it scratched my cheek and I could feel the blood trickling down my face; the vague outline of my attacker was being slightly outlined by a small strip of light coming into the lane from the hotel across the street. They did not speak, merely waited. I tried to get away, to scream but my mouth was full of old tattered cloth that had been dipped in chemical. Before I realised what the chemical was for, I felt faint. The attacker stepped back and I slid down the wall. Completely motionless and almost dead. He then turned my body around, so I could see him although it was useless he wore a black mask, I would never know the name of my aggressor. He then leant forward towards my face. The scent of his perfume was so strong; I could taste it at the tip of my tongue. The same sensual voice I had shared a blissful experience with on my twentieth birthday party whispered into my ear. 'Mia, I know about the baby.'
Then with a mighty force he drove the knife into my stomach. The pain was immense, but it didn't hurt as much as knowing that my unborn baby had died within seconds of my attack and that I would bleed to death if an ambulance didn't turn up soon. As I had been lying sprawled across the alleyway for a few hours I held on to the mutilation that was my stomach. It was then when I could hear sirens in the distant, so I held on to the small amount of hope I had left. With everything happening so fast, I became exhausted and felt it was more effort to try and survive this. The police sirens became louder and people began to surround me. I could see faint shapes that resembled paramedics, they're bright uniform was almost blinding. The aching got worse; I was in agony and the anguish was unbearable. My screams were deafening and shrilling. They only got louder with the amount of torture I was enduring. Time seemed to be speeding up on me, and I knew the end was near. I thought I had accepted it but I only got more anxious. I didn't want to die, it wasn't my time. The shrieking had turned into cries of help; I painfully wanted to be saved. Terrified of what was to come, anxious, does death hurt more then this, is it scary?
After chocking on my tears that I could no longer hide, my eyes were blood shot and I was desperate to keep eyes open, to see the world one last time. As I held my chin up I could see a faint silhouette of a young woman. The slender figure appeared to be coming closer to me. Being paralysed I could not move. The woman's actions became shaky and she begun to tremble when she saw me. I saw her break, a sudden explosion of uncontrollable tears. I recognised the long locks of blonde hair and the high cheek bones she use to wear proudly on her face. She crouched down on the floor and whispered to me. Put her fingers through my hair in a playful and caring way. 'I'm so sorry.' I looked into her eyes, full of sorrow and grief but I could see myself, what I use to look like before all the pain. A young girl smiling, cuddling her mother, she was happy. 'Mum?' I whispered. She gave me a small kiss on my head and said 'Shhh... take it easy. Mia, I love you.' The woman smiled and rested her head next to mine. I closed my eyes and felt myself falling. All of a sudden the world became silent and I could see my little brother, the same four year old I use to carry in my arms. Train smiled and held my hand. For once, I felt safe; I had missed him so much.
